Sunday, April 02, 2006
Being the Parent to My Mom
I'm the child. I'm supposed to learn from my parent - be guided, be corrected, be led by them. But that has ceased happening between me and my mom. More and more, I find myself being the parent to my mother. I've come to a point where I find myself gently reminding my mother what the proper response is to certain situations and people. I'm not sure if my Mom is going through her second childhood or that she really has not matured past a certain stage in life.
It's very frustrating for me to be telling my mom how to deal with family/relationship crisis, when she should be the one imparting wisdom to me in my everyday dealings. Most children run to their parents when they have problems. I don't. I don't trust that my mom will give me the proper advice sometimes. She has the ability to empathize greatly with her kids that she can become blind to our faults. She becomes incapable of being impartial enough not to side with us when we need the correction. So when I want advice, I need to find someone else to run to who will tell me the truth even if it hurts me, or I have to figure it out on my own. Nakakalungkot.
It's very frustrating for me to be telling my mom how to deal with family/relationship crisis, when she should be the one imparting wisdom to me in my everyday dealings. Most children run to their parents when they have problems. I don't. I don't trust that my mom will give me the proper advice sometimes. She has the ability to empathize greatly with her kids that she can become blind to our faults. She becomes incapable of being impartial enough not to side with us when we need the correction. So when I want advice, I need to find someone else to run to who will tell me the truth even if it hurts me, or I have to figure it out on my own. Nakakalungkot.
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so mas ngayon ka pala kialangan ng mom mo? ..... she needs your guidance at acceptance :) ..minsan di masamang maging magulang sa mga magulang :)
# posted by 
: Sunday, April 02, 2006 10:15:00 PM
: Sunday, April 02, 2006 10:15:00 PM
hi, how old is your mother? is she like this eversince? if she isnt, then maybe it's alzheimer's disease? if that is the case, it is but necessary to be a parent to your mom.
my mother is not like other moms, too. not a good listener, and one who values herself than her kids. i mean, what she feels is more important than what we, her kids, feel.
but it is not necessary to brood. one has to live life. a friend is all you need. sometimes, they are better than mothers.
oh, one thing. love and respect her still.
my mother is not like other moms, too. not a good listener, and one who values herself than her kids. i mean, what she feels is more important than what we, her kids, feel.
but it is not necessary to brood. one has to live life. a friend is all you need. sometimes, they are better than mothers.
oh, one thing. love and respect her still.
# posted by : Monday, April 03, 2006 7:23:00 AM
: Monday, April 03, 2006 7:23:00 AM
Hi Melai,
I appreciate what you said because it makes sense. I don't mind it most of the time, but there are times it gets to me pag parati na lang nangyayari. My mom was a very spoiled only child who was ridiculously doted on by her parents. Now that I'm old enough and her parents have passed away, feeling ako ang pinalit niya sa parents niya. Thank you for your paalala though. You're right, she does need me at times. And if I could be there for my friends, I could be there for my Mom, as her friend.
Hi Bing,
She's now in her 70s. It wasn't always like that. Of course, when I was little syempre she was soooo much wiser than I was. I do feel though that she stopped growing up at one point. I guess that's how it is when one is brought up very spoiled, their capacity to accept and learn lessons is limited. I do try my very best to love and respect her. Paminsan-minsan, naiinggit lang ako sa mga taong may parents na sobrang full of wisdom, love, grace and guidance for their kids in their old age. She has taught me a lot naman. I guess I just have to love her for who she is, not who I wish for her to be. Mahal niya naman kami, minsan sobra na wala ng perspective so medyo yung basis niya ng right and wrong when it comes to her kids ay medyo faulty. Minsan, hindi kakampi ang kailangan namin, kundi someone who will tell us what's right and wrong pag kami ang nasa mali.
Thanks for weighing in guys. Napalambot niyo ang puso ko. :)
I appreciate what you said because it makes sense. I don't mind it most of the time, but there are times it gets to me pag parati na lang nangyayari. My mom was a very spoiled only child who was ridiculously doted on by her parents. Now that I'm old enough and her parents have passed away, feeling ako ang pinalit niya sa parents niya. Thank you for your paalala though. You're right, she does need me at times. And if I could be there for my friends, I could be there for my Mom, as her friend.
Hi Bing,
She's now in her 70s. It wasn't always like that. Of course, when I was little syempre she was soooo much wiser than I was. I do feel though that she stopped growing up at one point. I guess that's how it is when one is brought up very spoiled, their capacity to accept and learn lessons is limited. I do try my very best to love and respect her. Paminsan-minsan, naiinggit lang ako sa mga taong may parents na sobrang full of wisdom, love, grace and guidance for their kids in their old age. She has taught me a lot naman. I guess I just have to love her for who she is, not who I wish for her to be. Mahal niya naman kami, minsan sobra na wala ng perspective so medyo yung basis niya ng right and wrong when it comes to her kids ay medyo faulty. Minsan, hindi kakampi ang kailangan namin, kundi someone who will tell us what's right and wrong pag kami ang nasa mali.
Thanks for weighing in guys. Napalambot niyo ang puso ko. :)
naalala ko yung relasyon ng nanay at lola ko dito .... mahirap lang sila sa probinsiya kaya at 14 kailangan ng lumuwas ng mother ko sa manila para magtrabaho ....hindi naalagaang mabuti ng mga grandparents ko ang nanay ko dahil at a very young age dati ..kailangan ng magtrabaho sa bukid ..while spoiled ang lola ko sa lolo ko ...ang mga anak naman( my mother and her siblings) have to work sa sakahan. Dumating yung time na tumanda ang mga grandparents ko .. kahit hindi nakaranas ng magandang buhay ang nanay ko noon sa kanila, ibayong pagmamahal ang sinukli niya noong nagkasakit yung mga matatanda..to the point na iwanan nya yung maliit na negosyo nya para lang maalagaan ang parents niya hanggang sa huli . :) ..wala lang nainspire lang ako magkwento :)
# posted by : Monday, April 03, 2006 8:33:00 PM
: Monday, April 03, 2006 8:33:00 PM
Nakaka-inspire naman talaga yung story ng nanay mo. Talagang ang kabutihan natin ay di dapat depende kung naging mabuti man o hindi sa atin kung sino mang tao, magulang o hindi. Salamat! :)
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